moving in with mom after dad died

Unlike some women who date men so soon; no one could accuse her of trying too hard to fit, in or indeed trying at all! It has completely altered my Dads relationship with is children. They never invite me to their outings together, and when I ask him why I cant come sometime, he blows me off. My dad has said things about his sex life to me as well. In time, you will learn to work around it and not let it absorb you and suck you up. He seemed to believe that because he had suffered through years of my Mothers illness that this was what he deserved. If the woman visits, she does absolutely nothing. There's definitely a generation out there who got help starting from their parents and somehow still want to be supported by their children. Its all about her family and that is what hurts. I really dont know how he can do anything more hurtful at this point. He says my Mom did this to us. My sister & I cry many times throughout the day. 6 months after her death I realized my dad was sort of speaking to other women and though nothing was obviously happening, I was enraged. It would be appalling enough to celebrate without your Mom but to have a young girl thrust upon you is just too much. Now that times are hard, hes working at Wal-mart and my father-in-law is working the original shop and his girlfriend is having high success at the second shop. My sister and her family went to surprise them. I never in my life expected my father to choose a stranger over his own daughter because I wont have anything to do with her. Now his wife has him to herself. We enjoyed many of the same things, and we were eager to try some new ones. Its lime he has not only moved on, but he no longer wants anything to do with anything that had to do with his marriage to my mom, including us kids. Remember, your father has made a choice. My mom passed in Jan. A recent widow called my dad in March.. Is it possible these people are sometimes looking for financial gain? And on top of this, if you actually read everyones comments, most of these people want the parent to be happy, but they are just not ready to meet their parents new friend. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. The house that he and my mom picked out before she got sick. I am 23 years old, I am her youngest, and I am in the toughest time trying to get through this. And though hes a grown man who can make his decisions, the kids still deserved some consideration. You lost someone too. Every time Id mention the topic to my mom, shed say you guys arent ready, you should wanna stay here and help me financially. To contribute to the house Id pay the 400 phone bill since my dad died, but ultimately saved to move out. We loved my father very very much. My father started dating a woman this summer. I am heart broken, and I want nothing to do with my father. More than anything else, you can simply be there for her. And you children may not understand what we go thru. We donated most, but I took the time to go through every item, so I kept a few that I liked. He doesnt acknowledge or appreciate any of the things that we do to try to make his wife feel accepted by us, he just dwells on what we dont do. Obviously, I cannot advise you. Millions of my name to deal with her, my step father. I feel like you. Then I remember my mom saying the second wife always gets treated better after several of her friends husbands remarried after losing their spouse. I think he expects both the families to just blend together like the Brady bunch and I dont think thats ever going to happen. Please Open the Door and the path to a renew relationship, to a new future together as a family. IT REALLY BOTHERS ME hes also always with her kids!! Where they went, what they ate, how they laughed.so I set to trying to say the right thing and be supportive even thought I didnt like the idea of this woman. It was a shock!! Most of the adult children of parents who are dating after a reasonable amount of time of the passing of a spouse, are in a mode of it is all about me and not about my parent. Its so nice knowing that there are people out there going through the same thing, and that Im not alone. My dad feels that since he lost his wife, it is all about his loss; he does not realize this his kids are hurting and while I know he is lonely, his behavior is unacceptable. A good woman would honor her husbands relationships with his family to ensure his happiness. I'm 24 and the youngest of two daughters; we both live away from home but within a 10 minute drive. She has told him he has a dirty mind. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in your situation. Im grown, so his actions should be of no concern to me! I hope this post doesn't diminish any of your feelings, and I really hope you're taking care of yourself - it sounds like you are - but you asked how to help your mother, so I focused on that. Everyone has to understand that I mean no harm and I resent everyone looking down on the GIRLFRIEND its become a dirty word to meI have not done any thing wrong. I felt guilty when I said I dont want to meet him, but since reading everyones comments I know im not an evil person for feeling that way. It was because of the cancer that was growing all over her body. According to him, he had already grieved over her and had moved on. My mother in law passed away 5 months ago. I want to also invite you to take some time for yourself. Knowing that makes it. And in this time my dad has changed. I dont agree with certain behavior of some of the parents: comments about physical description, lovey dovey demonstration in front of your family, this thing has to be deal with at the moment that they occur or soon after. and Crickets. My sister doesnt live here and takes my dads side cuz she didnt have to experience this like I did. They have always fought and split all through the years vowing never to speak again. By letting go, you are taking control of your life rather than letting your emotions control you. Sending sympathy for your loss and your distress x, Hi Sonia, Of course, I dont know the whole story (maybe he approves? I just read the most recents posts.If you read this and think you can give me advice, please do. He has moved in with her. Little did I know 14 months later I was going to be blindsided with a call that he was dating. I feel the woman lacks the very character by doing what she had done, even though dad and my sister feel she helps him, she makes him happy. I have found out that because of her, old friends of my parents (who also know this women) will not talk to my father because they have never like her. My father is dating after my mother died - Want to meet a good Its really a nightmare. Press J to jump to the feed. Joanne- I think that was uncalled for- especially when everyones situation is different. My mom died in 2005 and my dad went on a date 3 weeks later. She gets mad at him on every account. Not only that the new person should be respectful of the loss, not try to impede and Reggie their way into the home, or any of the personal belongings of the parent that has passed, nor should they create such disgust in any of the children. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. The only people that truly understand us are people that have experienced this like us. Both sons are married, one lives locally and one is in another state. I would even approve of someone who is from our church- not some stranger who feels comfortable enough to fly over on a whim to visit an online friend or whatever so quickly. I feel this women is just looking to have someone take care of her and support her, and that she is hoping to move into my parents house. Within the year, my Dad was dating and in a serious relationship. Before the argument, we had some discomfort about leaving our daughters with them. 3 Months later shes already sleeping over and redecorating. We are doing our best to cope with things. . This is step choreography for the real world- it is a exact blend of fascinating movements but not too complicated. I decided to move out July of that year to live with my boyfriend. I was put in the same position and told I had to be friends with her, be nice, accept here. Also, I'm not sure how exactly I'm supposed to be feeling, and I'm wondering if maybe I'm not grieving enough because I am trying to be self-sufficient and go on with my life and not be extremely depressed over it all the time. I am not casting doubt on this woman or saying she is financially motivated. 2) little or no regard for your dead wifes family and their grief especially after they were there to support both of you before, during and after her illness; You may put on a brave face but he ought to know that that is not the same as accepting her. I have met her once and she is a nice lady, but shes not my mom. Our loved ones leave us and we are broken and have to pick up the pieces and figure out how to have family dinners with that empty place at the table. During this period I recommend that the complete family join a grieving group. I fly down as often as I can but this last time he told me not to come down bc (girlfriend) will be there. I asked my father-in-law about this and he said he never would do such a thing. She fought so bravely, and had pockets of success, only to be followed by a very quick decline (3 weeks from notice of having months to live). My mother died in Aug. 2006 and my Dad just started dating a women a month ago. I realize that I still am not ready to accept this & quite honestly dont think I ever will because I dont have to accept her into my life & I really dont want to. It has gotten in the way of my grieving somewhat, but I am sure to take time for myself and allow myself to cry as often as I need to. My children were not happy that I told them I was dating, they were hurt and angry. What makes it even harder is that dad also has terminal cancer, and we dont know how long he has left to live. I just listened and said nothing and asked if he was done and then I asked him about his day. Just have to wait until he thinks its the right time to tell us I guess, Im so happy i found this website i thought i was the only one in this situation. or is it all about you and what you want? WebIn 2010 my aunt needed someone to stay in the house with her or eventually go into a nursing facility. We were stunned and disappointed. This woman has inserted herself arrogantly into my Mother-in-laws house, insisted the kids go through her things so she could have a yard sale and park her car in a giant three-car garage, and put all her tacky things everywhere. As I said, she so pushy and it was just too much too soon. He wants to include her in all of our family gatherings and has told me that he expects me to become friends with her. We have three children. Not going through joyous good years of their partner is one widower. But then again as tough as my father is, I know you wouldnt want to be alone. Why Losing a Parent Hurts So Much, No Matter Your Age The damage done can not be undone. Were you able to predict how this would feel? OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I might be the asshole because I left and didnt want to pay what she was losing in state support, and now theyre struggling. Maybe I am looking too much into this. to deal with this woman was challenging as admitting that this woman existed I had to admit a few other things: I lost my mother in 1995, i was 14 years old. I had bad exam results. Inside is immaculate. So its important not to get caught up in a trap of constantly comparing the two or making them a nemesis of one another when one is living and one is not. I personally feel that people should have enough respect for others to let the family grieve without bringing a new situtation into the mix. another woman. He then invites her to go with the family on our trip to Disneyworld. We told my dad and his fiance how happy we were for them, and we were. Recently dad has been in and out of hospital with weird symptoms and shes telling people I dont care about my dad bc Im not by his side for all of it (Im in another state and I have a job, a husband, and a 18 month old). I am sure this woman was nervous, and really, she was nice enough. those are huge hurdles when you are proud of your parents relationship, your family and have not lost a partner. Reconciliation,would never be accompanied by any apology. Sonia- I hope you find this response. Your mother who has passed away and is in heaven wants you to be happy which is your job here on earth. Not at all. He is someone from my past and I enjoy his company very much and I love spending time with him. My parents were married for 29 years, and I am the oldest in the family (28) of three children. For most of them its the very least they can do considering that the mother did most if not all of the work related to the children. I mean after all hes not just bringing her into his life, but mine as well. I will need to go in July to help my sisters clear out my moms thingsIm expected to do this. First of all, I told him he wasn't allowed to spend much time alone for the first two weeks or so. I feel that he is not in the right frame of mind right now to even be thinking about a relationship. I thought I would be happier, but Im not. Hes doing it now. You cant change things and you dont have to accept this with open arms. Back in July my Dad and his girlfriend got married and moved in together. my mom joined a support group of women going through the same thing. My mom will not let us help her with anything, but rather wants to call all the (male) friends my dad had to help her. She visits or picks him up if it suits her. I recently sent a letter to an online relationship advice column and they responded to my letter. I could really use some good advice on how to deal with all this. Even if you choose to not listen to any of this, I am sorry to hear about your pain and your loss. Because, even though my Father-in-law needed someone in his life, someone that made something spark again, and even though shes there to take care of him and take him on the trips hed planned on doing with his wife, my husband and his siblings lost their mother. Your thing to do here is just be there for her. Kobe bryant's death of death of her palliative care nurse for a whiskey-drinking. He may back us financially (and again, I dont want to disregard his generosity here), but our relationship is suffering. Over the years, I worked through my grief over the loss of my mother and accepted my fathers marriage. She has always identified as the caregiver and may never be ready to give up that role. It was so hard to get him out of the house in general :(. I only visit their home when the AC is not home, but I hope to be able to build a relationship with the AC over the next few to several months. mom All those years of trying to cope because I didnt want him to be alone were wasted. She just needs a little help with the deposit and setting up furniture, and then she'll be able to take over cleaning and dusting on a daily basis without you. It also seems that he loves, respects, and wants your approval in the biggest way. But oddly, I feel like a very bad person and that dating him was something very bad. No one could fail to see the pain and suffering Todd has endured.My husbands Dad shot himself when my husband was 14 so I know the huge impact this would have on the children and those left behind. She just turned 80, and while she is mobile and able to do for herself, she suffers chronic pain from spinal stenosis. While guilt and regret can fester, Ive found that sadness be a safe place to go to when you want to tap into memories and feelings, instead. This can open new lines of communication and reduce the threat you feel that she is somehow replacing your mother. And let this be a cautionary tale to any stay at home mom's out there. My dad had threated to leave her a few weeks after this, she begged shed change and she told me TO BACK OFF IF I WANT MY FATHER HAPPY i did. She began to bring him desserts, and he eventually asked her to dinner. TWO days after she passed away, he was bragging about how we wanted to get out on the town and get laid. I was close to both of my parents. Things will never be the same that they used to be, fear of the unknown, change. 250 | 250 | By The past year, I noticed an even bigger change in my parents relationship. You could encourage it, but dont force it, it will only make your kid resent you. You could try writing a letter from yourself and your sister because he would have to read it and not interupt or threaten. I can be contact at jamaicajoe49@aol.com if anyone here on this forum wishes to or needs to talk further. I believe that you should take into account the children feelings up to a point. You are still very young, and it's a very early age to lose a parent, so take time for yourself too. So I now inhabit a house with them and their infant daughter. I wanted to be there for him and was worried how he would live after being married to Mom for over 50 years. In my case, I learned that she was an amazing person and lived an amazing life, so I have nothing but the utmost respect for her as his wife and the ACs mother. I wish you the best. The other son would come up and visit Ellens mother who lived next door and then leave and go home without visiting Ellen. my mother had a dying wish for her ashes to be dispersed of in a specific manor and there was a plan to do this but now it has changed and i belive its because of new plans my father has made with his new girlfriend. At the first family trip, I was already stumped at how quickly things were moving. I wanted to scream, youre only able to say that since my MOM is dead.. Needless to say I didnt sleep all night and sent my father a heartfelt email telling him how I felt about the situation. I am on-line trying to find information and guidance on how best to reconcile my love for my daughter, the need my boys have for a mother figure (they absolutely love her by the way), and how to explore the possibilities of a life with this woman. She wonders how long this will last until we accept her. Oh and because when i came to visit them on their vacation i was really there to cheat on my husband she claimes. Generations will suffer. He was supportive with my Mom, but also caused my Mom some pain and sadness towards the last few months of her as he simply could not understand why she would not eat. Today, they went shopping for a bed. It hit the mark with me. Im done this is just too heart breaking for me and our family. I had spent the previous week crying 24/7, and to put it bluntly, I was simply tired of blowing my nose. I feel he has been deceptive with my mother and with me. and he needs to be aware of that. We havent had time to really adjust to Mom being gone and this only adds to the already devastating heartache. Honestly, Im at a loss. Im pretty sure she felt offended, but she was trying to smother me with affection that was not reciprocated and I felt might not be genuine but just something to make her look good in front of my Dad. If you do not take care of yourself, then you cannot help others. Have you read the posts? My kids were. Father But I do agree the but family thing is just bs. It was exactly how I feel and sadly where I am at. No one in my family understands. I cannot fathom what causes grown adults to behave like children in a sweet shop when they lose their spouse. It's clear that your heart aches as well as your mother's. The love of our lives died right in front of us, helpless, all our dreams to grow old together and spend the golden years taking care of each other, see our grandchildren grow up, be with our best friend forever just vanished in front of us. These fees can be surprisingly high. They can not commit 100% to you. I have been so shocked to read that so many daughters do not support their fathers happiness. Told my parents to come here and live at not charge except maintenance and taxes on house , and that they could stay there forever. Ever since we lost Mom, I have felt like I no longer belong in my family, and this just makes it worse. She had fallen out of love with my dad a long time ago, she had told me, but I was worried about who would take care of her. When he could leave hospital he elected to go and live with her rather than us. This is how our family learned that he married her. Also make sure she has some time alone, when she needs it. If youre fortunate enough to be able to spend time with someone leading up to their death, you can try your best to have the hard conversations. But I hope she comes out of it. Alex Murdaugh, who took the stand last week Meanwhile she is living in my mother's house to the objection of the rest of her siblings and is not paying any rent. She is completely self absorbed and obsessed with wrinkles. I decided that I would invite them to go with usI really struggled with this.when I called Dad, he said he needed to talk to her first & he did she declined because she had other plans. I am now very upset and can see the future ramifications if he continues on this break neck speed. Awesome. Shortly after the funeral, the song came on the radio on my way to work, and I absolutely lost it. This was a 6.5 year period yikes. Again, the problem is that it happened too soon no time for him to grieve properly or me. I am in a very similiar situation. . It took me a while but, with the help of my family, I got through it. I had a long talk with him the other day and tried to explain that his relationship with my sister has gotten worse and worse over the years and if he fails to go to her wedding, it will be another big wedge between them. He travels for his job and since I am going to school full time now, I have been house sitting for him while he is gone. It sounds like this woman has him as my uncle would phrase it whipped. What these lonely old men dont seem to realize is that there is more to the situation than just their wants and needs. She isnt bad looking, but still She came to a fundraiser at the ELEMENTARY school that I work at wearing said mini dress and hopped out of my dads raised pickup truck.. have some decency please! It was just weird, my Brother and I my son were only an hour away and he would not wait. So they let her and that made her happy. He just doesnt get it.. I implore you do this one unselfish thing for your children as honouring your late spouse or partner. Despite the fact that she tried to be affectionate at first, she has never called me to ask how I am doing or how my children are doing. Long story short: I cant just tell him about it because he hasnt told me anything about this. We would go over to each others houses for dinner. She was very reluctant to do this at first, but finally caved after a year or so. I tell him frequently that I love him very much but cannot make any commitment of an acceptance of this friend. My dad dropped the issue. She knew her quite well and really does understand (as much as possible) what we went through. I feel my father has betrayed me, failed to live by the promise he made mom to be there for his two girls, and his words that he would never get another woman when mom died. I just found this websitereading through all your comments made me feel better.I am not the only one feeling lost and angry! You have every right to have your own place! This way if anything happened I would be able to be there. She has always behaved with complete and utter selfishness and he has always supported her. X. Always remember, what you give out is what you get back! I am sickened. Dads drinking and acting like a nut with this woman.

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