carnac the magnificent curses

resuscitation with a sick lizard. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? this year? A: Mount Baldy. Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island A: The big ten. A: Ransack. A: Kaiser wrap. 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. KeyCastr. [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? . , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. Carson Caucas 1984. , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. Box 4, Folder 47. The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. No more years! then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" lizard. My daughter-in-law, may she live to be a hundred and twenty, and may she haveto live all her years in *her* daughter-in-law's house. With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. on a country? Johnny would don an . May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office? Q: Name three people who like to bomb. May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Well, as it turns out, Parshas Balak starts off with this wicked king named Balak trying to get this wicked mystic named Bilaam to cast a curse upon the Jewish people. A: Ben Gay. A: Gatorade. Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA. If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . A: Tail of Two Cities. A: Bi-focal. Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? Towering Inferno. A: Pot luck. Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? Q: What did Jimmy Carter's mother call his first baby I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Explore and share the best Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs and most popular animated GIFs here on GIPHY. up your turban. Q: Name two movies and a suppository. Q: What's the major cause of divorce? hope chest. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. . Q: Name one guy who's rich after April 15th. station? "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . A: England, France and Greece. Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. A: Never on Sunday. Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? Our Story; Our Chefs It is entirely fictitious. Q: What's the name of a drink made with beer and prune A: Fun with Dick and Jane. A: "Hi diddly dee." 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? A: Sueeee, sueeee. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. proctologist. How to Curse in Yiddish} by Joe Singer.Some of my favorites: May you sweat in labor a hundred and sixty years, then give birth to anice turle-hedgehog-porcupine. Although he retired in 1992 and died in 2005, the consensus remains that Johnny Carson was the greatest late night-talk show ever. dee? Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches Q: What do you call not getting busted? but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." 42 results for "carnac hat" RESULTS. The Question: Name 8 things that will soften your brain. (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). Q: What's the best thing to do if you swallow a hand CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. . Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! Jackie Lynch 242 followers More information On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. . The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. Q: What do crabs get high on? Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman Q: What's an Orange County toothpaste? A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. A: The four musketeers. (crowd cheers). "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. Get Image May your only daughter take up with a yak of another faith. Amazingly, we see the Vilna Gaons prediction coming true in our own times, as many of the curses mentioned in the Bible have already disappeared. They've been kept in "You Light Up My Life.". Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? Some of his one liners:"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. A: Lo-fat. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? A: Henry R. Block. A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. pre built n scale train layouts. The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. Commissary. Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. . $12.37 delivery Tue, Mar 7 . CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them. Carson quickly revealed his personal bowl of potato chips hidden strategically behind the desk and Myrtles shock turned into uncomfortable laughter. A: Dustin Hoffman. The Answer: A condor, a bald eagle and a snail darter. . A: Quarter Pounder. prune juice? Make a meme Make a gif Make a chart The Magical Thinking of Trump. A: High rollers. Its hard to divine when you cant see. A: Mop and Glow. (Crowd cheers) #10. Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? A: Last Tango in Paris. kaleido? A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. A: Eleven. Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your Q: What do call the clone of a guy named Cy? During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page Q: Who ruined that darn rug? A: Gunga din. Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. (Crowd cheers) #10. Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . A: Putting on the dog. Paul? Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? Wheres the exit sign? CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope. Related Topics. The Johnny Carson Show. His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. A: Short eyes. A: Chariots of the Gods. seen them before. Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. . So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing A: Jaques Cousteau. A: Flyswatter. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. . Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The Thanksgiving? The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? Youre the straight man. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. A: Baja. Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? 1981 | TV-14 | CC. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. The Answer: Because the employees are smoking the 11 herbs and spices. (Wait for it! The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. his neck? Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. . CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret Q: Name three movements. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. violence? This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? A: "Leave it to Beaver." The character was introduced in 1964. A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." the audience will cheer. One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? Another ancient Biblical curse that seems to have reverted back to normal is Noahs curse of his son Ham that his descendants (who lived in Africa) shall be slaves to the descendants of Shem and Japheth (who lived in Europe and Asia) - see Genesis 9:25 as slavery in the modern area has been virtually abolished, and even racial discrimination has been greatly diminished thanks to the Civil Rights movement. by ThomasFay. The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. Return to Humor Page As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. (croud cheers) #10. | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. A: Evon Guligan. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Previous. A: Timbuktoo. I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. 200 views, 3 upvotes. A: Los Angeles Dodgers. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. . The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. Similar Items. Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! A: Old wive's tale. One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. A: De-frost. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. promises. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. A: Rough cut. Is that a reptile? , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. Q: Name a Kristofferson. Click image to enlarge. Q: What do you say when you want to get your Gung to stop? On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. A: "The Dumplings." Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife? QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Story. The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? [1] As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. After 30 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson said his final farewell on May 22, 1992. The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. Line: 24 These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. Carnac The Magnificent undated. Hand made. A: Shake and bake. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? The Question: Name six fictional T.V. [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? . A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One. A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. A: Disjoint. The answer was always an outrageous pun. Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe Curses, Curses, Curses . In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. May a sick ox make bubbles in your hot tub. Watch now: Free with ads. ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. dickory? A: The ZIP Code. The Question: What is Kamala Harris strange path to the presidency? Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. A: The Loch Ness Monster. , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop.

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